i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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