Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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