Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
