but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
