I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
