I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
