pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
