I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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