I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He passed out mid-signature
the gays at disneyland are vicious
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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