it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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