She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
