At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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