I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
