and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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