He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
