You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
