I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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