My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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