But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
