I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
