The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
