My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
