It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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