Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
