I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
