Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
