I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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