Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
