Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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