dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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