Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
