think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
