I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
