life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
