I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
