Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
