Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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