question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
