I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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