I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
