its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
