i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
