i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
