Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
