after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
