did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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