"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
