If that was your dad, he is hot
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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