found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
