I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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