if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
