your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
