Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
