Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
