I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
is it fun? or sober?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
