i just wanna soil my oats bro
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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