You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
