She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
