I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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