need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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