i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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