I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
