Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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