everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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