The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
