somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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