Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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