I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
