so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
