The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
