angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
