I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
