my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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