You just made me feel so damn special
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
