we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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