I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
