I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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