i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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