I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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