: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
