Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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