I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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