im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
